Paulal Abdul Named "Woman of the Year" By Nevada Ballet Theater (A Socialites Life)

Huh? So now, barely being able to hold your head up while wasted is considered award-worthy? Paula Abdul, the queen of confusing on-camera non-sequitur

• Paulal Abdul Named "Woman of the Year" By Nevada Ballet Theater (A Socialites Life)

Courtney Love not replacing Paula Abdul (The Superficial)

Courtney Love claimed yesterday she was being brought in to replace Paula Abdul on American Idol, but now the executive producer who allegedly called h

• Courtney Love not replacing Paula Abdul (The Superficial)

How Much is That Paula in the Window? Part 2 (A Socialites Life)

As you might recall about a month ago Paula Abdul was being auctioned on Ebay. The meet and greet also included a two-day stay in La complete with plan

• How Much is That Paula in the Window? Part 2 (A Socialites Life)

Snap Judgment: Janet Jackson's new single

Where to begin discussing Janet Jackson's mere wisp of a new single, ''Call on Me'' ( click here to listen)? Three things: 1) The vocals are so vacant and fluttery they make ''Again'' sound like a Celine Dion power ballad. 2) The song completely lacks a discernible hook or memorable lyric. 3) Nelly essentially hijacks what was supposed to be Janet's big radio comeback.
But the worst part: The blogfather is all up in my grill about it.
Thablogfatha: What's up, Slezak?
Firstnameaintbaby: Janet let me down again.
Theblogfatha: Again?!
Firstnameaintbaby: Mmm-hmm.
Thablogfatha: Well, what's up with this diva? Do you really like her that much?
Firstnameaintbaby: Yes, Mickey, I love her, she is fine , she sings a lot of nice things for me.
Thablogfatha: I know she used to sing nice stuff for you, but what has she sung for you late-leeeee ?
(Insert jaunty Paula Abdul choreography here.)

• Snap Judgment: Janet Jackson's new single

'America's Got Talent': It's off and running!

Well, it's no American Idol , but that doesn't mean America's Got Talent doesn't have its charms (Regis Philbin instead of Ryan Seacrest). NBC's latest reality entry, which drew a very solid 12 million viewers, made me think of that old Country Time Lemonade slogan -- ''not too tart, not too sweet'' -- in that it played more like a hybrid of old-fashioned local talent contest and The Gong Show 2.0 than a modern, cut-throat reality contest.
Still, does anyone actually think AGT is going to unearth the nation's next superstar? Take the episode-closing performance by the ''Rappin' Granny'' (pictured), for example. While some folks are bound to be charmed by the sight and sound of a senior citizen in a housedress spitting rhymes about CNN, not even Kanye himself could buy this woman a spot on the Billboard charts. Seriously, are any of you genuinely jonesing for a repeat performance? (Insert sound of crickets here.) Yet if we're to believe pitiful Simon Cowell clone Piers Morgan's claim that Rappin' Granny is ''what this show is all about,'' then I'm not sure I want to stick with AGT for the rest of the summer. Similarly, I didn't get the judges' enthusiasm for 8-year-old Syd the Kid's self-penned standup routine about fat black women. Yes, she had beyond-her-years self-confidence, but she wasn't funny , merely alarming .
Such lack of discretion from Morgan, along with fellow judges David Hasselhoff and Brandy, made me miss the brutality of Idol 's audition process, something that, interestingly enough, gives the latter show so much heart. Dreams of marginally talented folks get crushed every day; it's only superstars like Kelly Clarkson who are (and should be) left standing when the competition's done. Certainly, even Paula Abdul would've hesitated before saying yes to 14-year-old Alexis Jordan, whose rendition of ''I Have Nothing'' could've easily been redubbed ''I Have Nothing (Particularly Special to Offer).'' (That said, the episode's unintentional comic highlight stemmed from Brandy lauding Jordan's vocals and stage presence, then declaring, ''It's like watching myself in a mirror.'' Talk about E to the G to the O!)
All complaining aside though, I will admit there was something innocent and fun about AGT . Seeing Bobby Badfingers, a self-proclaimed ''professional snappist'' who dresses like a tore-down disco-era Elvis impersonator, let his fingers walk him right into the next round was as delightful as it was shocking; Idol would've made mincemeat of his sideshow skills, but AGT gave the guy the props he deserved, along with the basketball-dance troupe, the surprisingly funny ventriloquist, and the multiracial hip-hop-apella act, At Last. Now if Hasselhoff's fellow panelists promise to stop pressing his buzzer, AGT might actually become my Wednesday semi-addiction.
What did you think of the show, PopWatchers? And more importantly, will you be back for more next week?

• 'America's Got Talent': It's off and running!

Paula Abdul Roughed Up

Forget Simon, Paula Abdul has a new nemesis in her crosshairs.
The usually perky "American Idol" judge has filed a report with the Los Angeles Police Department accusing a man of assaulting her at a party last weekend.
"She said she had sustained a concussion and spinal injuries," a police spokesman said.
No charges have been filed, but police are investigating the alleged incident.

• Paula Abdul Roughed Up

Paula Abdul Face Down On The Ground (A Socialites Life)

The National Enquirer has this photo on the cover of its current issue. Here is the aftermath of the "assault" on Paula Abdul. Now this is just plain

• Paula Abdul Face Down On The Ground (A Socialites Life)

Ive Been Living Under a Rock! (Dlisted)

Im never going on vacation again! I missed some good shit. Damnit. Anyone, Im totally in the dark about this whole Ryan Seacrest and Paula Abdul feud

• Ive Been Living Under a Rock! (Dlisted)

Hot New Talent Alert: Portobella

Caporaso sings openly about her disgust of formulaic pop and shows like Pop Idol. She disses Simon Cowell on their new single "Covered In Punk." "I don't want no Simon Cowell/So Simon Cowell be quiet now," she yells.

Hot New Talent Alert: Portobella